I’m My Own Worst Enemy

November 23, 2007 by Dave.

I went to New York/New Jersey for a few days to see family and relax. I did a little pre-blog writing while trying to get some sleep, and had a good start to a short story. When I came back to work today (yes, on Thanksgiving) I tried to write a little more of my novella. The second I tried, I froze. While in New York, I wasn’t anxious with writing and trying to get things on paper. I do it at work on a holiday when I have a lot of time on my hands and a computer in front of me, all that internal crap comes right to the surface and keeps me from getting anything on paper. It’s too much of a struggle these days, and I keep getting in my own way. I can’t keep doing this to myself but I don’t know what to do about it.

I know I’m scared. I think I set a bar so high for myself that any two words I string together have to be perfect. I’m doing this to myself. I’ve gotten good responses from my writing and I want to keep getting it. The thing is I can’t seem to enjoy simply getting the words out and working with them. I have to have it out on the page exactly right the first time. I do that and I can’t get anything done. I can’t relax, I can’t do what I need to do to get the stuff out on the page. I’m getting more and more lost and can’t seem to get out of my own rut.

I know my daughter has the same issues. She’s been practicing her writing doing names and such, but any time she makes a small mistake, it’s the end of the world. I keep telling her that it doesn’t matter that it’s not perfect, nothing ever is. I don’t want her to fall into the same trap I have already. Thing is I won’t listen to my own advice.

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