I think my life would be a hell of a lot easier if I were a conservative. I wouldn’t have to worry about thinking for myself all the time. Everything I need to know will be outlined in easy to remember talking points— generated by the party leaders and think tanks— that will be repeated and repeated until I fully and firmly believe them, even if I don’t fully understand what they are and even if the points are contradictory to earlier points. I also know that I wouldn’t be alone in how I think. Every conservative would think exactly like I do and we’d all be in agreement on the issues of the day. With no need to argue amongst each another, we can focus all our energy on fighting our common enemies: liberals and terrorists. There are enemies all around us and they are easily pointed out to us by our party leaders, which again focuses our energy for the fight rather than mindless speculation. As such I could do nothing but support the troops, no matter where my country sends them and why. We don’t need to know why we got into Iraq. We’re there now and we need to stay and win, whatever that means.
I wouldn’t have to worry about doing things against my interests. It doesn’t matter that the government needs money to rebuild our infrastructure, adequately fund our schools, or provide a safety net if something goes wrong in my life. My tax refund deserves to be bigger; it’s my money after all. As such, I wouldn’t have to worry about being interested only in myself and for my benefit. That’s what this ideology is all about. I just need to hold out for what’s best for me, others’ welfare be damned—even if that means forgoing long term security.
This naturally leads to not having to worry about my future. If it’s too far away for me to deal with, why should I have to worry about it? Everything will eventually be taken care of. Through faith in god and country, all will be made good in another world; through faith in the free market that controls us all, everything will be made good in this world. If things go wrong for me, it is my own fault and need to work harder or pay for my own lack of faith. I would have no one to blame but myself, and that would be just.
I wouldn’t have to worry about what my government or party leaders do. What they do is for love of country and its people, and can be given a wide latitude. Whether it be tapping our phones, reading our emails, monitoring our every move, they are doing it to make use free. Whether it be opposing racial quotas in our schools or reducing gains from civil rights movements, it is done to make sure we are all equal. If it appears some party leaders are doing corrupt things, it is because they are being smeared by people who don’t care for our country and its way of life. We don’t need to know every sordid detail about our elected officials— except about those that are aiding our enemies, then we should dissect every aspect of their lives and expose them for what they are.
And I wouldn’t ever have to worry about doing the right thing, because no matter what I do it will always be the right thing. If you are a conservative, you can do know wrong. This is taught to us on the radio, on selected news channels, in the Bible and churches, and most importantly from our party leaders. Conservatives are always in the right and liberals and terrorists are always wrong, and there will be people around to prove that point if it is ever in doubt. Rightfully so we are always on the winning side.
Being a conservative means to be free of worry. Isn’t that all anybody wants from life no matter what the cost?