July 23, 2010 by Dave.
These were true events that happened a few months ago. I wrote it to deal with some of the lingering emotions running around my head. It was supposed to be a simple blog entry but it sort of veered off into short story territory in length. All comments are appreciated.
“Just a minute” – these are probably the sweetest words I’ll hear for a long time. Nora and I have been friends for 8 years. We met through a mutual friend at one of their Christmas parties. She said something snarky about the political climate at the time; I laughed and thanked her for the comment I was too slow to make. We’ve been friends ever since. Even though I lost track of her from time to time – she moved away, changed her email, and/or dropped off the radar over the years – I still thought about her, often with lingering wonder if I’d find the ability to tell her how I felt. I’ve always been attracted to her. To be brutally honest, I’ve always been attracted to all my female friends at one point soon after meeting them. Was there anything different about how I felt about Nora? I don’t think so, no. But she was someone I tried to stay in touch with, one of those women who appeared in my life at moments when I thought they were gone from memory, one of those women who disappear very effectively leaving that lingering wonder behind. Now I was wondering about her for a different reason.
Depending on whom you asked, Nora went missing three to five days ago. The last time I saw Nora in person was just before the weekend. I dropped her and her friend/workmate, Carrie, off at the New Boston Garden to see the Celtics make their playoff run. Normally I wouldn’t battle game traffic for anyone, but they were both friends, they both had no way of getting there and they were both really drunk. If anything the alcohol fueled conversations during the trip there was worth the cost of gas. I dropped them off, got hugs and kisses from both, even a friendly “love you” from Nora as they disappeared in the crowd towards the entrance to enjoy the game. This was before I heard about Carrie’s panic attack, which forced them to leave early, causing an argument between the two ending with Nora walking back home to Chelsea alone. While this would be the last time anyone physically saw her, I spoke to her over that weekend. She told me her side of the argument and spoke about how things were lately, which I knew were going rough. Throughout the conversation I vacillated from being supportive and lending a good ear to telling of past hurts, but I still couldn’t get myself up to tell her how I felt. I wimped out again. When I tried to allude to it, cryptically mumbling over a bad cell phone connection didn’t make it any clearer. Still I figured I’d have another chance to fumble through another explanation again. Three days later, I wasn’t so sure I would anymore.
Soon after that conversation, I wrote an email to Nora saying what I couldn’t say on the phone or in person. If I am better at being honest in writing than in speaking, I might as well use those skills. I told her how I felt and wondered if she felt anything close to what I did, sent it off and waited for a reply. Sunday passed; other than a “like” on my Facebook status, nothing. Monday I texted her numerous times; nothing. Tuesday I called her office and spoke to her supervisor; she hadn’t been in so far that week. When Carrie told me that she also hadn’t heard from her since their argument outside of the Garden, that’s when I became concerned. The only thing I could think to do was drive to her apartment to see her, see if she was all right. I’d driven Nora home a couple of times since she moved back to Chelsea, so I knew the address. However I never knew her apartment number. If it was a two family house, I could figure it out easily. This was a serious tenement building, double doors, lobby, buzzer entry, fire escape plan and all. Standing in the lobby, the buzzers all had numbers but no corresponding names. The mailboxes were beyond the door and out of a readable distance. I stood there trying to telephone her again and again, hoping that she would answer or that someone would come home and let me in. Nora never answered and everyone in the building was either in for the night or out of town. After so many hang ups, I left a final message to please call or text me to at least let me know she was all right even if she never wanted to speak to me again.
Even though it was Tuesday night, it was still within the realm of possibility that she was just sick. Nora had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia a few years ago. It never got bad enough to put her on disability, but every so often she’d be bed ridden for a few days – sometimes without telling anyone. She was always very proud, hard pressed to admit when something is bothering her. She trusts me enough to tell me on occasion, but other times she’ll suffer in silence. The last time she had a flare-up, she spent two days curled in bed with a blackberry in her hand and an earpiece nearby. She barely called work to let them know. If she desperately had to call someone it would only be someone on her speed dial, as dialing hurt her fingers too much. This period was still within her occasional two-day disappearance. Wednesday rolled around and still her supervisor hadn’t heard from her. That’s when I got scared.
I was supposed to spend that morning calling leads as per usual. While I did, more of my time was spent calling people hoping to find her or hear what happened to her. Most of the people I spoke to thought I knew where she was since I talk to her most. All I could tell them was I wished I had. I tried hospitals to see if she had been admitted anywhere. None of those near her had her listed. Knowing she was upset, I tried psychiatric units. All I learned was that no psychiatric unit is legally allowed to tell me even if she was admitted. Carrie and I were in near constant contact with each other on text and FB chat. A few friends on FB were wondering where she was too. Fearing the worst, Carrie called the police to report her missing. They told her that it was the right thing to call them, and they would do a well being check on Nora. However they requested that someone Nora knows be at the address willing to assist. Since Carrie could not get off work and I already was and knew her address, I was the one to go.
I hoped for this and prayed it wouldn’t come to this simultaneously. The police are the ones to handle a situation like this, where who knows how she will be on the other side of the door. However I wasn’t sure I could handle what they might find if it turned out to be the worst possible news. Only the worst possible outcomes were running through my mind uncontrollably. But rather than fight it, I welcomed it. All my life I never got want I wanted. My career, my writing, my money situation, my life, my hopes, my dreams never went in any way that I thought it would. Often the more I wanted something, more I dreamed about getting it, the less likely it would happen. Driving on 95 North to head to Route 2, I suddenly realized that was the case. At that moment, the only thing that made sense to me was to hope I would find Nora dead, thus giving her a fighting chance to live. For the next 30 minutes, I played reverse psychology on the universe, fighting to see the traffic and road through my own tears, my own helplessness, and images of what I might find at her apartment flying about my addled brain. It makes sense only in some childhood magical thinking or within the musings of schizophrenics off their meds, but it was all I had to go on if it meant she’d be okay.
I felt similarly a few weeks before. I learned Nora moved back to Boston and I was trying to get together with her, not having seen her seemingly in ages. That day, I dropped off Sophia with her mom and was heading through Chelsea to get home when I got a text from Nora saying she was heading to the ER. I almost rear ended a sedan when I saw that text. She felt something was wrong but couldn’t tell what and she really couldn’t explain it in a text. I tried to find out where she was and see if she needed any help. I finally reached her on the phone and found out she was heading to MGH. I asked if she needed a ride there, but she said that she was taking the T and not to bother. I had no clue what was happening, but I knew I couldn’t leave it at “don’t bother.” There was no way I could be told to not think of a purple elephant and obey. My car knew I needed to go home and sleep, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. Knowing nothing of what was going on or what the doctors would find, I drove to Mass General and headed for the ER admitting, probably about 10-15 behind her arrival there. She was still in the intake interview when I showed up. Nora had been growing her hair out since the days when she used to buzz cut it. The last time I saw her, her red hair was just above shoulder length. I almost missed her with her now chestnut hair running past her shoulder blades. She was going over insurance info when I walked up and said hi in person for the first time in several years. She seemed more surprised that I was there than anything else, but we exchanged pleasantries and she continued to give her medical info to the intake nurse. I stayed with her in the waiting room for the usually unbearable hospital wait time. During this we talked, trying to catch up with each other and take her mind off of things simultaneously. Eventually she got beyond triage to see the doctor. At that point, she had to order me to go since I wasn’t leaving until I knew she was okay, which could have taken even more hours into the night. I would have stayed camped out in the ambulance bay if need be, but she said the waiting was the hardest for her and she’d be okay from there on in. It calmed me down enough to go home telling her to text me when she got out. The doctors never found anything that night and I got home still worried but knowing I got to see her. Getting closer to Chelsea, I was hoping I’d see her alive.
The patrol car was waiting for me as I parked. I introduced myself to the officer and we walked across the street to get the building manager. The manager had to be present to unlock the tenant’s door rather than having to break them down. I finally got to go past the foyer and into the building itself this time. The manager said Nora lived on the second floor so we made our way to the staircase. Before walking up with them, I took a quick glance and the mailboxes that evaded my sight for the last two days to learn the apartment number – a mistake I was not going to make again. The officer waited for me to get there and stand next to the manager before his first attempt at the door. I was slightly calmer than I was driving over there, but now unsure what to expect. The policeman knocked on the door and we waited to see if anyone would answer. Somehow focusing on the door helped me stay in the moment as the wait for anything went on a few seconds. The officer knocked again and asked for Nora by name. Another second passed before Nora answered “Just a minute.” The building manager and I both breathed a sigh of relief as we heard the locks unlocking. Leaning my head against the back wall was all I could do to keep upright, feeling a huge weight off my mind. When she peered out of the door, she didn’t look too worse for wear. She obviously had been sleeping in what she was wearing, her hair in fresh bed head style even as she moved it behind her ears. It didn’t matter what she looked like as I was glad to see her upright and mobile.
The police officer and explained that this was a well-being call and asked if she was okay. She said she was fine, and with that the officer shook my relieved hand and took his leave with the manager. I finally got my back off the wall and made my way over to Nora, still keeping herself between the door and her apartment room. It took me a moment to be able to look at her straight in the face. I stared at the floor trying to tone down the overly contented grin I had on my face since she opened the door. I’m not that great at reading people as I think I am, but she looked blank when I walked up to her. While her benign question behind a closed door brought great relief, her next words shattered that.
“Who sent you?” Nora asked. It could have been the quavering of her voice or the simple paranoia behind the statement that shocked me. All that could come out of my mouth at that moment was “what?” – not truly comprehending why I was asked. She asked again, slightly more fearful, and I told her no one. I almost said that both Carrie and I were worried about her and called the police, but given her suspicions at the moment, implying a third person into a conversation after you’ve said “no one sent me” was a bad idea. I suggested we get out of the hallway, but she refused. She stepped blocked the entrance in a panic and shut the door nearly locking us out of her room. I backed up a foot not sure what was going on. With that, she rested against the door frame and slid down it, slowly winding up nearly cross legged on the tiles. My first instinct was to catch her from falling, but she was moving so slow that no harm would come and not knowing if touching her in the slightest would set her off even further, I didn’t. She sat against the wall sobbing and all I could do was watch. I knelt down trying to find out what happened the last few days.
“Do you remember that medicine I take that if I don’t take it I can get really sick?” Nora asked me. A few months earlier, she ran out of a medicine that she needed to get refilled. I forgot what it was and what it was for, but I remember her desperately needing the refill and nearly missed a day’s work to get it. “I ran out of it Friday night,” she said.
“Where’s your pharmacy?” I asked her.
“It’s a 10-15 minute walk. I couldn’t stand up for more than five minutes at a time,” she said. I now understood why she was sitting in the hall now. She sobbed a little more and curled her knees into her chest.
I leaned in and tried to talk her to get out of the hall. “Can we continue this conversation elsewhere, please?” I helped Nora to her feet and she opened the door.
“Don’t judge me,” she said as we entered her apartment.
Carrie told me when she was in Nora’s apartment the other week that it was a mess. Carrie always considered a messy room to be an example of one’s mental state. I did too, if only because I watch my room get worse depending on my mood. Stepping inside, it wasn’t as bad as I’d thought. I’d seen worse rooms than hers, often in my own, but then I’ve always been a slob so it’s hard to tell if I’ve been depressed all my life or simply messy. However I didn’t own ferrets. When I first met her, she owned a ferret that she raised from a baby. That pet died shortly before she moved away. When she moved back this time, she brought back two young ferrets that she adopted from a friend. Even tucked into a corner, their cage set up a good chunk of the studio space. This wasn’t a top of the line habitat, but it was close: chew proof, four foot tall, three-split levels linked by stairs and ramps, built in litter box at the base. She used cedarwood as litter, as evidenced by scattered wood chips around the floor of the cage and some scattered around the room. The faint aroma of cedar wasn’t overwhelming, but very much on hand. When Nora and I entered the room, they scrambled to the side the fence keeping a guarded eye on me and didn’t move for most of my time there. We got to the middle of the room and she had to sit down again amongst various books and a magazines. I knelt on the floor in front of her, trying to keep her attention on me hoping that focusing on something other than her surroundings might help.
“What do you need?” I asked her.
“I need to get to the pharmacy,” Nora replied. “I almost called you back last night to take me there.”
“Why didn’t you?” I asked, still not getting it.
“I didn’t want you to think I missed all your calls on purpose,” she said.
“Don’t worry about that,” I told her. “Do you need to call your doctor? What medicine do you need?”
“Klonopin,” she said. That’s when I got it. Sophia’s mom takes the same medicine in larger doses. She’s a mess with or without it, though it’s often worse without. If I catch her in the morning before she takes it, all hell breaks loose. I was prescribed Klonopin a while back for my own depression/anxiety, but it left me unable to function in the mornings. I hated the side effects so much that I quickly changed medicines. Nora had been on it for a while, and told me that the withdrawal from the medicine could cause seizures or worse if not careful. Imagine having a panic attack while going through the first 20 hours heroin withdrawal. Your body needs the drug that you need to kick in the first place. If you’ve been on it long enough, you have the tunneled mindset focusing on the next hit and nothing else and the anxious thinking that comes with that. The panic attack amplifies those darting snippets of consciousness and waking sleep. You know what you need, but how to get it is all white noise. The physical weakness from withdrawal ensures you’re not going anywhere. And if all you can do is lie in bed and listen to your own frenzied thoughts, trying to reach out to someone sounds reasonable in spurts, but it’s completely out of your capability. This is was her weekend. “I’ve been trapped in this panic bubble for the last few days. I didn’t know what to do.” She started sobbing again.
I sat down closer and put her head on my shoulder, letting her sob some more. She kept her gaze on the floor, sometimes averting her eyes from mine. I hated seeing her in this state, but considering the last few days it was good to see her at all. She calmed down a little, but was still not in great shape. In situations like this I don’t know what to say. What gets me stuck is hoping to find the right words to say to make everything easier, as if there were magic words for such occasions. There never are but I wait for them to show up anyway. Doing this I miss any chance of being helpful. Trying to be seen in the best light and play an angle, I give up being human. I’m not sure exactly how present I was at that, but I knew she’d already been through a lot in the past few days by herself. The last place I needed to be was trapped or even hiding inside my own head. I put my forehead against her head and tried to look in her eyes. She continued to stare at the floor, but her sobbing stopped.
“You know, I love you, but you drive me crazy,” I told her. She chuckled at that, her shoulders relaxed a little and quivered as she laughed. “You had me worried that… how I might find you here or if you really did something to hurt yourself.”
“I would never do that to myself,” Nora said. “I couldn’t do that to people who really care about me, my family…” she went silent again. I gave her a gentle hug still seated next to her on the floor. She leaned in a bit and put a hand on my arm at an awkward angle. Paws scratched against a metal cage as the ferrets scrambled about trying to come to Nora’s rescue. I didn’t care. I said how I felt even if I buried the lead a bit, and even that didn’t matter. I sat with Nora on the floor a little longer, talking a little more, revealing a little more of how I felt. It would be five or ten more minutes before we’d leave for the pharmacy. It would be another hour before I’d leave for work again, knowing she was all right. Another day before she returned to her office, much to the relief of Carrie and her office mates. Another four days before Nora finally replied to my email. Another five days before I realized that the smell of unrequited love isn’t bitter almonds as Lorca wrote, but really is the faint scent of cedarwood. Another week before I realized I was the one breaking my own heart. And another two weeks before knowing I could probably never reconcile that in my mind. Sitting with Nora in the middle of her apartment floor trying to comfort her, none of that did or would matter. She was safe and alive, and that mattered more.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
June 7, 2010 by Dave.
This was written for my church’s monthly newsletter for June. I’ve included the link to the website below for a couple of photos of the service. I’ve expanded a little on the strike itself to give some background to the strike and the march.
http://uumedford.org/newsletters.html
=============================
All 40 of the striking Methuen Warehouse union workers were supposed to spend Tuesday, May 25 overnight at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Medford, MA after their meals and prayer service. However they all just finished an 18-mile march from Reading to Medford in temperatures that topped 85 degrees, and the church has no air conditioning or showers. After some discussion, a decision was made to drive the striking workers back to their homes for the night. They would be brought back to the church early in the morning to start the next leg of their march from Medford to Somerville on Wednesday, and later would push on to their final destinations—a Thursday rally at the state house before a march onto the Shaw’s supermarket at the Prudential Center. For now, they would enjoy a pasta meal and company with the senior minister Rev. Hank Peirce and a few of the church’s congregants.
On March 7, 306 Shaw’s workers rejected a company offer that they said would mean an annual loss of $1,456 per family on the company health plan. Though that amounts to $28 per week per family, Shaw’s parent company, Supervalu, netted $40.6 billion in fiscal 2010, a $4 billion drop from the previous year. Inspired by the protests of the ’60s, the five-day, 60-mile march was created to publicize the strike and keep pressure on Shaw’s. Despite striking close to three months, workers and the strike have received little public notice. Since April 1, Shaw’s revoked the striking worker’s health insurance and hired replacement workers in the Methuen Warehouse. UUCM was one of three stops along the route where religious leaders opened their doors to host the marchers. The two others were Temple B’nai B’rith in Somerville and Old South Methodist in Reading, and all three leaders signed a petition urging Shaw’s to renegotiate a fair contract with United Food and Commercial Workers Union Local 791 (representing the Methuen workers) and restore their health benefits. Like the marches of the ‘60s, stops among spiritual communities worked out to be a respite for body, mind and spirit.
With service leader Anthony Zuba of the Massachusetts Interfaith Committee for Worker Justice at his side, Rev. Hank Peirce opened the space with a Biblical story. Pausing to let Carlos, a bilingual Methuen worker, translate what he was saying for some of the Spanish-only speaking workers, Rev. Peirce told how King David spied Bathsheba, wife of Uriah the Hitite, bathing on a rooftop and conspired to marry her by having his troops abandon Uriah in battle. The prophet Nathan confronted David with the murder and subsequent marriage by telling a parable of a rich man who had may sheep that stole a lamb from a poor man who only had the one. When David, enraged at the story, said the man who did that deserves to die, Nathan replied to David “You are that man.” Rev. Peirce told the workers “Shaw’s is that man; you are the lamb.” Peirce led a benediction, asking God “to fill us with the light and the knowledge that what you are doing is right.” He concluded by saying “Shaw’s wants to take what you have. Ask God to be with us until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.”
Anthony continued the service for all saying “God is with us in a special way tonight. God comforts us like cool breeze.” For striking workers looking towards two more days and many more miles in 70+ degree weather, this struck a comforting chord. With some heads bowed, some nodding, Zuba said “We believe God dances and weeps with us. God gives us the hope and courage and strength to endure.” He added, “When we work for justice, when we speak together in God’s name, we enter God’s heart and God enters our heart.” He asked the workers to speak their own prayers and concerns to all present. Words came in Spanish and English, translated and untranslated. Everyone had prayers spoken or unspoken– some for families, some for peace, some blessing this congregation, and many for the strike end and that the workers can go back to work. As if replying to Rev. Peirce’s benediction, one worker explained himself saying, “If God is with me, who can be against me?”
After the service, workers loaded onto vans waiting to pick them up. They would head back to their homes—some of which are in danger of foreclosure—to shower and sleep until the following morning, when they would reunite for the next push of the march. Peirce would be on hand again to offer more prayers sending the striking workers off filled with spirit and focus to complete their journey. While only a brief respite, it served a much larger purpose.
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
May 8, 2010 by Dave.
I’ve been off the blog for a while as you can see by the last dates. There was a whole lot of crap going on last year that I was mired in that it took me away from blogging. Also among that crap was a lot of personal family crap that I really couldn’t write about on a public forum, especially dealing with a court date (long story short: I filed to have my child support reduced because I left my job at WGBH for three PT jobs two of which fell through; that didn’t go over well with the court or Sophia’s mom). However my best friend and webmaster told me that more and more people are reading my blog as of late. So I figured the best way to catch people up on my life as well as reboot my blog is to post this Facebook entry (yes, I’m on FB; everyone is. But NO I won’t be on Twitter. I’d like to have a life where I’m not micro-blogging it). This was from January 1, 2010. Hopefully I’ll have more and regular updates soon. TTYL!
David
——————————-
Last night a friend of mine had me and friends write a list of the good things that happened or we did all year long. Despite this being a complete clusterfuck of a day for 365 consecutive days, there were some pretty positive things that happened throughout the year.
Where needed, I added some commentary.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
January 1, 2009 by Dave.
Sophia and I were playing another round of rocketship rescue—which is where she picks an animal to rescue from her big encyclopedia of animals to rescue somewhere in the walk in closet— and she was playing reindeer doctor to Dasher. She was pretending to listen with a stethoscope when she started this conversation:
Sophia: “Daddy?”
Me: “Yes?”
Sophia: “Is a heartbeat good?”
Me (trying not to laugh): “Yes, it means you’re alive.”
Sophia: “Does it means you’re okay?”
Me: “Yes. It does.”
Sophia: “Daddy.”
Me: “Yes?”
Sophia: “The reindeer has a heartbeat.”
Me: “I should hope so.”
Sophia: “What if you don’t have a heartbeat?”
Me: “You wouldn’t be alive.”
Sophia: “Daddy?”
Me: “Yeah?”
Sophia: “What about great grandma?”
I had NO idea where this came from.
Me: “What about great grandma?”
Sophia: “Does she have a heartbeat?”
Me: “Not anymore.”
I told her about my parent’s parents earlier this month talking about this month. She knows they existed but they are all passed on.
Sophia: “So she’s not alive?”
Me: “No, she died.”
Sophia: “A while ago.”
Me: “Yeah.”
Sophia: “That’s why great grandma died, she had no heartbeat.”
At which point I agreed with her and left the closet so I could write this down as best I could remember it.
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
November 22, 2008 by Dave.
Still on my political junkie fix, I’ve been watching a lot of what’s going on with the Obama transition and naming of cabinet members. Personally I’m not a big fan of all the names being named. If I really wanted to see another Clinton administration, I would have voted for Hillary (and I only voted for her husband once in 1992). However I said in an earlier blog that Obama is, in fact, a centrist, not a progressive. As a matter of fact, if he is as shrewd as he seems, he’s getting a lot of other veteran left-centrist politicians who can get things done so that he can get things done. So really this shouldn’t be too surprising.
What is surprising is possibly some of the motives behind two of the big stories this week: Clinton as Secretary of State and Joe Lieberman keeping his chairmanship. No one expected either to happen and the intense debate has flared up possible schisms within and among the Democratic Party and/or progressive democrats. Those who are for and against Hillary as SoS and for and against Lieberman as chair of Homeland Security are burning up the blogosphere, radio and airwaves. There are valid reasons on either side of both issues and plenty of room for debate. However everyone seems to refer back to one source: Doris Kearns Goodwin’s book “Team of Rivals” about Abraham Lincoln’s presidency and his political cabinet, who were mostly made up of political rivals and those of contrary views to Lincoln. Obama has said to be inspired by the book and is re-reading that book again as he picks his cabinet (”Team of Rivals” is now number 12 on Amazon.com best-seller list; both of Obama’s books are in the top ten). However, I think there is a different source of inspiration for these two big news items.
Over the weekend, AMC was running a Godfather marathon on its heavy rotation schedule. It was part way through Godfather II, specifically during the scene where Michael Corleone talks to Pantangeli in his father’s old house. That scene contains the most prescient nugget of wisdom from those movies—aside from “Leave the gun, take the canoli”— which is “Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.” Keith Olbermann touched upon this first on Countdown late last week, and others are now repeating it, but this is what I think Obama is doing.
Senator Clinton still has presidential aspirations and the senate is still her best place to make her play as and consolidate her power base— either helping Obama or challenging him. Some of her worst attacks against him in the primaries had to do with his lack of foreign policy experience. And, of course, then there’s Bill. To quote Stephen Colbert, Bill Clinton still can’t compliment Obama without “looking like he’s passing a stone.” Making her Secretary of State, while putting in her in a position to show off her foreign policy acumen, keeps her in line with Obama’s policies and makes her a follower not a leader. She has to follow his lead, otherwise she threatens American national and international security by trying to speak in her own voice (which could eventually backlash on her if she does run for president again). And Bill has been bending over backwards to help her get the position. Strategically, it’s a smart move. Lieberman wanted (nee demanded) to keep his chairmanship of the Homeland Security Committee or bolt to the Republicans. This from a Senator who spoke at the RNC, towed the Palin Republican party line during the campaign to bad mouth Obama, then backpedaled like crazy when it looked like McCain was going to lose. Any other time, the Dems would have said bye-bye Leiberman and punished his actions. But when Obama said publicly that he wanted Lieberman to continue to caucus with the Democrats, that one statement saved his ass and his chairmanship. In a country that has taken a huge shift to the left and a state where he faces a potentially tough reelection, the only hope Lieberman has is to help Obama realize his agenda. As much as we want Lieberman to hang by the scrotum, Obama’s move puts him on a leash (we’re not sure how short or long it is until Liberman starts spouting off that neo-con babble again). Again, strategically it’s a smart move.
I admit being more cynical than most, but it seems as much as Obama wants to emulate Lincoln in formulating his cabinet, he also knows enough pop culture to know the Godfather reference and smart enough to have read the line’s original source material (Machiavelli and/or Sun Tzu). He’s smart enough to be successful in politics and it’s possible to pull this off. Granted we’ve just seen what happens to the last group of people who practice those kind of power politics. Also granted, the guy hasn’t even taken office yet. We have yet to see, and we’ll just keep playing Monday morning quarterback until they do.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
November 18, 2008 by Dave.
On her MSNBC show, Rachel Maddow suggested a “honey do” list for President-elect Barack Obama dealing with things that should be of the highest priority when he takes office on January 20, 2009. This is a bit of that, with some actual suggestions on how to go about it (not that I am ANY kind of expert on governmental budgets or appropriations). My mom referred to my get out the vote email as my “manifesto.” Actually in some ways, this is closer to an actual manifesto. In addition to sending this to friends and such, I’ve already sent a copy to Rachel Maddow and and President-elect Obama (or at least to the transition team). If I am picked up by the CIA, make sure people know this is why.
NAG LIST
Defense Department Reprioritizing: There are ways to efficiently cut the budgets in order to accomplish better goals. First of all, by the Pentagon’s own admission, the DoD is generally 15% over budget, meaning they can cut 15% of their current budget without hurting any of their current operations—though this doesn’t include operations in Iraq. Trim 10% off the DoD budget—until all troops are taken out of Iraq and the financial crisis looks closer to over, then you can extend to the full 15%— to, one, increase the budget to the Veteran’s Administration; and two, give a pay raise for noncom soldiers. Second, responsibly get us out of Iraq.
Health Care Reform: While universal health care is a goal of this administration (although not sure if they actually mean single-payer or not), the extent of the fiscal crisis and the subsequent bailout ensures that this goal is attainable but still a ways off. Until we stop hemorrhaging money, we should at least try to fix existing systems as a stop-gap/on-ramp (the bridge comes later). Extend SCHIP to insure all children in the US. And empower the government to negotiate with pharmaceutical companies for the drug coverage under the Medicaid Part-D, as well as fill in the “donut hole” in the plan, so the elderly and other vulnerable segments of the society is covered. Small steps are better than no steps. (note: also fix the existing laws so that either Viagra is not covered by insurance or that birth control methods are covered—got to go one way or the other). (I know I’m going against two people I respect with this one: my mom and Dr. Paul Krugman. My mom is an activist for universal single-payer health care in America, and pretty much wants it to happen NOW. Krugman is advocating that Obama go big with his new agenda in order to stabilize things in America, including going to universal single-payer health care. Granted it’s not wise to go against the advice of a Nobel Prize winning economist and my mom, but if this is what we can afford, let’s do this and keep the main goal in sight)
Close Corporate Tax Loopholes: If anything is going to happen to the Tax Codes in the first year, this is it. There are too many loopholes that corporations are taking advantage of to pay less taxes or no taxes. I have no problem with deducting whatever you can; I do have a problem when corporations pay less in taxes than the janitors they hire. The most egregious loopholes should be closed up, including the ones that allow jobs to be outsourced overseas, the offshore banking loopholes, and “Made in USA” label loopholes. This will produce the fair share of revenues that America needs to start getting things back on track.
Adjust the AMT and create a Corporate AMT: The Alternative Minimum Tax was created to keep the rich from avoiding paying taxes all together. However since it hasn’t been adjusted for inflation for quite some time, many middle class families are getting caught in it; and the rationale for not adjusting it is the loss of many hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue. Now is the time to finally adjust the AMT, and then institute an AMT for corporations (again, corporations paying less taxes than their lowest paid wage workers is wrong). The Corporate AMT can (and should) be graduated— rather than the flat corporate tax— to give smaller corporations a break.
Use Capital Gains Tax as a Reward: This goes back to the Paul Tsongas’ economics model— give a capital gains tax cut to companies that do the right thing. For example, a $5,000 capital gains tax cut for each job created (which Obama has already proposed during the campaign); a $25,000 capital gains tax cut for each factory built (which creates jobs and gets you the $5,000 capital gains tax cut for each job for each job to fill the factory). You can also give capital gains tax cuts to companies that partner with schools or local food pantries, who have 100% union employees, and other such measures for the public good.
Infrastructure Investment: Actually this should be named “re-investment” since we’ve let it go for so long. This is pretty much a no-brainer. Unemployment is up; the state of our roads, bridges, electrical grids are down. Invest in rebuilding the infrastructure, fix the state of our roads, bridges, and electrical grids, and get people to work. If it worked in the ’30s, it’ll work now. Expect to see a program for this early in the administration— first six months to a year.
Emergency Auto Industry Loan: I didn’t like the bailout idea, especially when it was finally loaded with pork and had little oversight. If one truly believes in the free market, the financial companies should be left to fail. The auto industry is a bit different in that if one of the auto companies fails, it has a bigger ripple effect; in this case if that industry fails (which it might) at least 2.5 million people are out of work. That’s too extensive to have happen now. We should save the industry with some MAJOR caveats:
This is a LOAN, not a giveaway: Chrysler paid back its 1979 bailout loan in four years. These people should do the same as soon as possible.
No opposition to raising CAFE standards: The industry has been fighting this for years (it’s one of the bills that McCain was right on). If they want taxpayer help, the CAFE standards go up to 35 miles per gallon, no arguments.
More production of green cars: Like infrastructure investment, this will be key. The engine that will drive this industry (and the economy) for the next generation will be environmentally conscious transportation. The rest of the world has a jump on us concerning green cars and we need to catch up. Creating more hybrid cars is a start; creating next generation non-gasoline cars and other new innovations will carry it even further faster.
Fire current executive board: Self-explanatory. This board got into this mess, they deserve to lose their jobs.
Green Industry Investment: Being far behind in the green movement and in an economic mess, at least gives us a chance to catch up. Environmentally conscious industries will be the engine that drives the economy— at least says George Soros, billionaire hedge fund manager (who am I to argue with that guy?). It seems like a large expenditure up front, but it pays for itself in the back end, in this case with more revenues streams from a stronger economy and more tax revenue streams due to the increase in employment.
Congressional Accountability: Congress has voted itself a pay raise 18 times in the last 25 years, while in the same time period of time, the minimum wage has been raised only five times—including the most recent in 2008, and the last time before that in 1997. While the minimum wage will increase to $7.25 this summer, Congress needs to resist the temptation to raise its own pay until they get some stuff done for the rest of America. It’s pretty annoying to hear congressmen and women complain about CEO salaries and golden parachutes when they themselves will never be working at below the poverty line— or even close to it. While they’re at it, they should divest themselves from the congressional pension plans, which also adjusts each year to the cost of living and inflation. Maybe then they’ll understand the problems of average workers.
Employee Free Choice Act: While government regulations is a way to keep businesses accountable. Another way to do so is the existence of unions. This act will encourage and allow workers to organize without fear of recrimination (check out Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price for some info). The bill is already working its way through Congress and needs to be passed by the end of next year.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
November 13, 2008 by Dave.
Obama has won a decisive victory to become the first African American president of the United States. Terrific! The Democrats have increased their majority in the Senate and Congress. Great! The great conservative philosophy of small government and even less taxes has been rejected by a large majority of Americans. Amazing! So everything’s cool. Not by a long shot. We have a lot of work to do.
The damage done to America and American politics by the neo-cons is severe. Our economy has finally tanked due to eight years of Republican rule and two decades of deregulation, and yet we the people are bailing out the financial industry to the tune of $1 trillion or more. We are involved in two wars in the Middle East, and even if we can finagle our way out of one of them it will only be to shore up the efforts in the other. While these election results have been a step to repair our international reputation, we will still be looked at with skepticism if we try to claim ourselves a superpower amongst a group of global citizens. Health insurance is still a privileged benefit in American society afforded to some but not all. All those outsourced jobs will not be coming back, with India being the 1-800 help center of the world. Until we stop putting gas in cars, oil companies will continue to mount huge profits and get tax benefits in the process. The effects of the last eight years of radical-right rule will still be felt for another two decades if not more— no matter whom got elected.
While this historic election result is a dramatic return to hope, it is not by any means a cure all. We voted for change and projected every hope (and some fears) we had onto Senator Obama. He was a blank slate to reflect whatever we wanted him to be— he said so himself in similar words. He is not the Messiah, nor anti-American, nor a progressive, nor a socialist, nor a radical, a terrorist, a jihadist, a tax-and-spend liberal, a reformist, or an extremist. He is a liberal-centrist politician—a smart, shrewd, talented liberal-leaning centrist. There’s no guarantee of a progressive agenda coming out of this administration. So far a lot of former Clinton staffers and appointees are showing up in Obama’s administration. While that is great news for getting us out of a recession, it is not necessarily the best news on other economic fronts. Keep in mind that Clinton gave us both NAFTA and the Telecommunications Act (which brought us the media conglomeration/take over of the early 2000s). And Lawrence Summers— Clinton era Treasury Secretary on the short list for the job again— is of the free-market deregulation fundamentalist ilk that got us into this economic clusterfuck. If anyone thought this election would change everything, you’re delusional.
What we now have is a better chance to get things done. I went into the voting booth without any misconceptions for whom I was voting for. After eight years of the tyranny of arrogance, I voted for someone who would most likely listen to the public they govern. All the millions of people who donated $250 or less over the last 21 months are official shareholders of the Obama presidency. This is the closest we’ve come to real accountability and transparency in respects to our government. This is not yet truly for the people and by the people, but it’s damn close. However the only way we can make that work and get results out of this incoming administration is if we the public are vigilant. Our democracy is only as strong as the publics’ will to hold their elected officials to account. Now is the time to speak up.
There will be a LOT of organizations to lobby the new president with their platforms. MoveOn.org and other such liberal watchdog groups exist because people have organized on the grassroots level to try and be heard by their representatives and others in government. Already articles and petitions are going up trying to sharpen the focus on a progressive agenda. Even though the Republicans are dealing with their own internal conflicts and schisms, there is obviously going to be a push on the conservative side to have things done their way. This includes efforts to delegitimize Obama’s presidency before it even starts. Some conservative pundits are saying that America is a “center-right” country; others are saying that Obama doesn’t have a mandate (as if losing the popular vote and winning by four electoral votes gives you authorization to shred the Bill of Rights); others are simply ready to pounce on Obama for any incident no matter how slight. We’re hearing a lot of backseat driving about where to steer this country from every critic, liberal or conservative, within ten feet of a camera. Whose voice gets lost in all this—the populace who elected the incoming administration. That is unless we speak out.
We cannot get lazy now. President-elect Obama said in his election night victory speech that his win is not change itself, but the chance for change. The only way to bring that change about is to be vigilant, alert and active. The historian, activist, and veteran Howard Zinn wrote, “historically, government, whether in the hands of Republicans or Democrats, conservatives or liberals, has failed its responsibilities, until forced to by direct action: sit-ins and Freedom Rides for the rights of black people, strikes and boycotts for the rights of workers, mutinies and desertions of soldiers in order to stop a war. Voting is easy and marginally useful, but it is a poor substitute for democracy, which requires direct action by concerned citizens.” We are now entering the thick of a democratic struggle—in terms of small-d democracy. With forces from either side trying to come to bear on this incoming administration, we need to be actively alert to what is happening and call our officials out on it when necessary. And it will be necessary. Every administration will make mistakes, but it will only get away with the most egregious of them if our elected officials fail to hold themselves accountable, and worse if we fail to hold them accountable.
To paraphrase Obama, “don’t believe for a second this election is over. We have to work like our future depends on it, because it does.” We can choose to let other people speak for us on issues we care about, or we can make our own voices heard loud and clear. We can choose to go back to being apathetic, or remain attentive political observers. We can choose to give our elected officials complete free reign over our society, or reinvest ourselves in our world and hold them to standards. We can choose to go back to sleep and dream of a better world, or we can wake up and try to make that world a reality. That’s what’s at stake and what we’re fighting for. If we keep watching the events of the day, pay attention to what those in power do, pay attention to what people do to obtain and/or retain power, speak to your own situations and your own truths, speak out against corruption and malfeasance, fight for your core issues, fight for your beliefs, fight for your rights and those of your neighbors, we will not only pull American society out of the abyss, but we will emerge a stronger country connected to each other and focused on a common good for all Americans and the global community.
So thanks for voting. NOW LET’S GET TO WORK!
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
October 28, 2008 by Dave.
As some of you may remember, a month after the tragedy of September 11, 2001, I wrote an email to all of you, my friends, to talk about my feelings at the moment. It was angry, soon after the attacks and close before we attacked Afghanistan. I talked about the need to change US policies abroad and at home if we really want to win a “war” on terrorism, since the only way to fight terrorism is to end poverty and renew community. The following year, I basically sent a thank you note for all of you for staying in touch and remaining friends. The next year I wrote another angry one about the need to get out and vote. Seeing how this election is playing out, I figured I should renew that tradition about urging people to vote.
I’m still angry. I’ve been angry for a while now. I used to be angry about apathy in this nation. With what had been going on in this country ever since the towers fell, you think people would try to be more aware of what is going on. Instead, or maybe because of it, we disregarded what we saw and believed the lies spoken to us on a daily basis. Maybe we chose to believe them because knowing the truth would be too hard to believe. We were lied by this administration before they entered office. They lied about being compassionate conservatives, they lied about their environmental programs, they lied to us about their energy policy. Then September 11 happened. And the lies continued. They lied about the US’ own complicity in the past with the men who financed the attacks, they lied to us about wanting to build an international coalition, they lied us into a war, and they lied 4,000 soldiers into their graves.
It’s seven years later and I’m still angry. However now I’m angry at the viciousness and rancor that’s been spewed over the last couple of months. Since the end of August, we have spent day after day treading in bile that’s spilled over from an increasingly ugly campaign waged for the presidency. While both sides have dealt in half-truths and stretching for points, the Republicans have ran one of the most negative, sleaziest, vilest campaigns I’ve ever seen (granted I only remember presidential campaigns since 1984, but there are those who remember campaigns as far back as 1960 who say the same). While mudslinging is par for the course, I’ve never seen this level of it to where I’ve been scared for the physical well-being of a candidate if he is elected. We’ve had two people killed in a Unitarian Church in Knoxville, TN, this summer because of the shooter’s hatred of the “liberal agenda. We don’t need any more violence against people based on what they think. Add to all this, the continued rising unemployment, rising foreclosures—do I need to even mention the economic crisis these days? We all feel this tenseness in the pit of our stomachs as well as being front and center in our minds. It’s overwhelming and will drag the mightiest of us down.
However with all of this negativity, it is actually one of the more hopeful elections I’ve been seen. I know there are some people that don’t believe that their vote doesn’t matter. Since the year 2000 presidential theft and the 2004 Ohio problems, few citizens have faith in out election system. However this year, more people have registered to vote than ever before. New voters and young voters are signing up to make their voices heard. People who have foregone the process are rushing to get involved again. With so much at stake, people are rising to their civic duty to go and vote. The need to do our civic duty has never been greater. We’ve heard this all our lives, but to some it has never meant more than this year. Every election year over the last eight years we’ve heard that this election is the most crucial one we’ve seen in our lifetimes. However this year it actually feels like the most crucial election in our lifetimes. The need to go out and vote is essential. I have always believed in that system flaws and all. But I know that its flaws can only be further exploited if we as citizens stop believing in the system of elections. So I’m sending this around again as a tool to show how important it is to vote.
The first tool is a little political ice breaking game used in my days at college. It should really hit home about how far we’ve come in voting rights and how important the right to vote is. It works best in a group setting, so gather everyone in your area around you and ask them to stand up. Then read the following instructions aloud:
Ask: “Does anyone here own their own property? If not, sit down.” Until 1843, only people who were land owners could vote.
Ask: “Are you white? If not, sit down.” People of Color could not vote until the 15th Amendment to the Constitution was passed in 1870.
Ask: “Are you male? If not, sit down.” Women were not allowed to vote until the 19th Amendment was passed in 1920.
Ask: “Do you have $2 in your pockets right now? If not sit down.” States could charge a poll tax to voters until the 24th Amendment was passed in 1964 (Southern states used the poll tax to deny the 15th Amendment rights to People of Color).
Ask: “Are you over the age of 21? If not, sit down” The voting age was 21 years of age until the 26th amendment lowered the age to 18.
Tell those seated to look around at those people standing (if there are any). Then ask everyone seated “Would you want those people standing to tell you how to run your life? That’s what you’re doing when you don’t vote.”
The second tool (which can also be read at the end of the exercise above) is listed below:
Historical Facts On The Power Of Just One Vote
1645—One vote gave Oliver Cromwell control of England.
1776—One vote gave America the English language instead of German.
1868—One vote saved President Andrew Jackson from impeachment.
1875—One vote changed France from a monarchy to a republic.
1876—One vote gave Rutherford B. Hayes the Presidency of the United States of
America.
1923—One vote gave Adolf Hitler leadership of the Nazi Party.
1941—One vote saved the Selective Service - just weeks before Pearl Harbor was
attacked.
1990—One vote decided a state House race in Oakland County, Michigan.
(if combining with the first exercise) Ask those people standing if they voted in the last presidential election. Count up the number of people who voted. How many didn’t vote? How could that have tipped the balance?
Again ask only those people standing to repeat after you, then yell something out loud. Then have everyone seated to stand back up. Ask everyone to repeat after you, then yell something out loud. Point out how much louder it sounds with ALL voices heard.
If you think otherwise, history is proof of the lasting ramifications one deciding vote can have.
Over the last few years, we have only been given two choices: you’re either with us or against us. You either agree with our opinions or you’re a traitor or unpatriotic or un-American or wrong (choose your phrase). The divisions amongst us have risen to staggering new heights and continue to hold the windpipe of democracy and choking the very life out of our liberties, our luxuries and even our happiness. I have never believed that arrogance is the path of righteous and light, and I will continue to believe that whatever the results of this election. I also know that I have to stand up for my own beliefs because no one else will but me. However I know I’m not alone in this world and there are others that will stand with me. While that last sentence has often felt foreign at times, I stand at a time when I know that to be true.
Once again, as I did years ago when I first started sending these messages out, I say this as a passionate patriot. Not one that is draped in the flag and blindly follows our leaders, but as a patriot that believes firmly in the people of this country and the ideals which we hold in our heart but have yet to truly achieve. I firmly believe in the democratic principles by which we live, and I am not willing to see it subverted by those in power who keep repeating the mistakes of past actions that have caused the problems we are in. This election has galvanized us on either side of the philosophies and brought people together as Americans. But it only works if you, in fact, go out and do your civic responsibility. This election is not over yet—as tired as we are of this endless campaign and as much as we may want it to be over. There is still one week left for you to get your ballots out and counted. If you hate the direction this country has taken, if you want to ensure a better future for you and your families, if you want to ensure your vote count, you MUST make yourself heard on November 4. I’ll be joining my voice along with yours as well.
NOW GET OUT AND VOTE!
With love and faith,
David “Hussein” Concepcion
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
September 5, 2008 by m_priest7.
Sophia was finally accepted to a kindergarten about a week ago. We were a little worried as we were very late getting her registered and hoping to have her settled before August to give us a little idea what to be ready for. We were on three waiting lists and we were set up at Dante Aligheri Elementary school nearby. It’s not a block and a half away as Sophia’s mom wanted, Susan, but she’ll just have to walk the extra nine or ten blocks.
Sophia of course has been very apprehensive about going to school. Part of it had to do with the move that took her out of Head Start—because of it she lost a space in head start since it was all filled up in East Boston. However a lot of it also had to do with the stop gap idea we had to get her into summer camp to get her ready for school socially. I was hoping it would be a good place for her to get used to school life in kindergarten, but instead she got ready for junior high and high school. This wasn’t commonplace but she got teased and bullied a few times, and since this wasn’t as structured or competent an environment as head start or kindergarten, I don’t she didn’t get much help from the counselors. I remember when I was a summer counselor at 15, and I know I wasn’t ready to help deal with infighting amongst five and eight year olds. I don’t think much has changed. I think Sophia had no idea how do deal with that and she did act out a lot over the summer. Apparently also her older brother being at her house almost all summer all the time was also a problem. He teased her too. Even though it was just a sibling thing, I know from experience that when you get teased at school and then get the same at home you tend act out all the more and/or withdraw a lot. So Sophia’s been very sad and frustrated with the idea of going to kindergarten, and it was only through trying to talk to her in little bits that we figured out all the past reasons why.
We did a couple of things to try and get her into going. The other day I took her to the playground/play area behind the school itself. A friend suggested I do that to get them used to the school itself. It’s a cute space that looks like a smaller version of the large playground in my neighborhood. Plus it had a small amphitheater and I got to explain what that was, too. She had a fun time with that. Yesterday we took her shopping for her school uniforms (white shirts and navy blue pants and skirts). That sucked trying to get stuff in the madhouse the day BEFORE the older kids started school. Still, she was still worried about going. I told Susan to call the school and see if we could have Sophia tour the classroom and we were able to go there today. It’s smaller than her head start classroom, but basically looks just like it. We met with the two teachers who run the class and will be teaching the 22 students in this year’s class (last year it was 16). They explained to me and Susan the rules in the class, which keeps the other kids from bullying each other. Susan was listening intently, I was watching Sophia play with the dollhouse they had there. They both calmed down a lot after that school visit.
After leaving the school, Sophia still seemed sad; this time it was because she didn’t want to leave the school.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
July 1, 2008 by m_priest7.
I know I’ve been way out of touch for a while, even worse than when I was neck deep in writing and pre-production of my web series. Actually that’s kind of the root of what’s been going on. In May, is was starting to rehearse for the second episode of “Calling Home” but I didn’t have everyone. I couldn’t get in touch with our lead at all. I kept trying to contact him with no luck and it meant pushing back the shoot date of the series. At the end of May, it was evident that I had to let our lead go. This meant having to recast the role and then reshoot the first episode. I really hated it but that’s what I had to do, but I still haven’t recast the role yet. I can’t find Latino actors willing to commit to the role and the time for it, or who are right for it. This was the problem I had in January and it’s now grown more troublesome now.
In addition a few things happened at the exact same time. I was in communication with a couple of women that I was interested in going out with. Things were going well at the time, but I was insanely busy. With the Democratic primaries still undecided, since mid-April every Tuesday (normally my day off) I worked an OT shift to help with the extended news coverage. This limited any time to go out with anyone. Still I tried to eke out some time for me. However in the time it took to make time, almost all the women I was talking to found a relationship. Others disappeared, sort of like my actor. So many people “abandoning” me at one time just shoved me down and threw me into a serious depression. When I get depressed, I tend to abandon the world the way I felt I was abandoned. Doesn’t help the depression or correcting anything. My work suffers (very few people at work knew something was up and my ability to do my job was lackluster to say the least), my creativity suffers (haven’t really written anything for the series or anything else; and this is the first blog I’ve posted in how long?), and relationships suffer. I’ve missed birthdays of Myspace friends while racking up lots of points on Pack Rat on Facebook, which basically means I’ve been pretty useless for the last two months.
I at least want to apologize for not keeping up with some people and missing a bunch of people’s birthdays. Most of all I’m sorry for being so far out of touch with folks. Only now I’m starting to come out of it, but I’m still buried in my own little hell. I no longer have to put “Get out of bed” on a to-do list, but other stuff is still a struggle.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »